POSTAL 2
Mord Fustang's Progress
R. Kelly's Protege
Pissed in someone's face until they puked from it.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 3:33 AM
Duck Dynasty
Used a Bass Sniffer Radar.
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:57 AM
Here, Wilfred
Gained your first dog helper.
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:55 AM
Chapelle's Show
Lured a police officer with a piss-soaked donut.
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:55 AM
Taxidermy with Chuck Testa
Used a cat to "accessorize" your gun.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 3:46 AM
Michonne ain't got nothin' on me
Resurrected a zombie corpse for your own nefarious purposes.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
Someone's got a case of the Mondays!
Survived Monday.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 5:00 AM
C U Next Tuesday
Survived Tuesday.
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:55 AM
OMG, NEW MODERN FAMILY TONIGHT!
Survived Wednesday.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
It must be Thursday, I could never get the hang of Thursdays
Survived Thursday.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
Workin' for the Weekend
Survived Friday.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
Screw Bill Lumbergh!
Survived Saturday.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
I swear, I thought it was a home fill
Exploded a nuclear bomb.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
Cesar Millan is Very Happy
Mauled 30 people with your dog.
Unlocked 30 Jun 2014 at 9:58 AM
OMG, WE'RE HAVING A FIRE...sale
Roasted 30 people with fire.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 4:51 AM
Rebecca Black's Nightmare
Totaled 30 cars.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 4:51 AM
Hello, Newman
Kicked 30 dogs.
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:56 AM
Darth Maul'd!
Sliced 30 people in half with the scythe.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 4:50 AM
Reddit would be proud.
Hoarded 15 or more cats at a time.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 4:51 AM
Pussy on a Pedestal
Slaughtered 10 dogs with a kitty-silenced shotgun.
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:57 AM
I swear, I am NOT Marcellus Wallace
Killed 10 bystanders while wearing the gimp outfit.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
Uncle T-Bag
Escaped from the maximum-security jail cell.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
Do you even Enzyte, bro?
Unzipped your pants and got 3 women to laugh at it.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 3:53 AM
Running With Scissors
Ran 30 miles while holding the scissors.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
Hutton Gibson Can't Deny This!
Killed over 1,000 people.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 4:52 AM
And THAT'S why you never get out of the tree
Killed all of the book protestors in the library.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 4:50 AM
Lieberman is our Leader!
Killed all of the video game protestors at the RWS Office.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
Sheriff Arpaio would be proud.
Killed 30 or more people of each skin color.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
Can't Touch This
Exploded 30 heads via sledgehammer to the face.
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:55 AM
Fear and Loathing
Smoked over 10 "health" pipes and 10 tins of catnip in one play session.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 4:53 AM
Señor Cornballer
Ate 30 donuts while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
GOOD MORNING VIETNAM!
Burned 5 people with the same can of napalm.
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:55 AM
Rick Grimes 4 Life
Made 30 zombies lose their heads.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
Anustart!
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with no kills.
40 Year Old Virgin
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode with a total play time of 1:30:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
CAN YOU DIG IT?!
Completed the "POSTAL 2" game mode using only the Shovel to kill. (Must kill at least 30 people.)
Planet of the Apes: The Musical
Completed the game (any mode) on Hestonworld difficulty.
Unlocked 2 Aug 2014 at 10:02 AM
Scientology Level: OT VIII
Completed the "A Week In Paradise" game mode on POSTAL difficulty.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
Fur Sure!
Showed Vince and Mike J. what you thought of them.
It's not cheating, because it's YOUR dog
Played "fetch" with your dog... using a severed human head.
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:57 AM
Where's Mr. McGibblets?
Gave Krotchy the bad touch.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
Finkle IS Einhorn!
Gave a kickoff to a severed head.
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:56 AM
Anger Management With Roger Clemens
Nailed a fleeing bystander with a tossed sledgehammer.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 4:50 AM
Shiva Blast
"Lost" your sledgehammer to a cow.
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:55 AM
Don't taze me, bro!
Zapped 20 innocent bystanders with the tazer while wearing the police officer's uniform.
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:57 AM
I Am Legend
Committed suicide... the Taliban way.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 4:50 AM
I should buy a boat
Read the newspaper every day.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
Friend of Dorothy
Successfully hid from the police at max wanted level.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 3:53 AM
Officer McLovin'
Asked a police officer to sign your petition.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 5:05 AM
Paid the Piper
Successfully bribed your way out of an arrest.
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:57 AM
Well, aren't YOU a badass
Kicked open a door.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 4:50 AM
I don't know whether to kiss you or kill you
Put out someone that's on fire.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 4:50 AM
It's sterile and I like the taste
Sucked down your own piss.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 4:51 AM
It's OK, we got Greenlit anyway
Killed someone who refused to sign your petition.
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:57 AM
FAB-U-LOUS!
Wore all three outfits.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
I don't need virgins for this
Suicide-bombed a Taliban member.
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:57 AM
A-Rod Who?
Whacked a severed head 50 meters or more with the shovel.
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:56 AM
Door Mat
Severed all of somebody's limbs without killing them.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 4:53 AM
Chuck Norris'd!
Killed someone with a flying jump kick.
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 4:50 AM
One time, at band camp...
Saved the marching band from explody death.
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:57 AM
There's always money in the banana stand
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
SCREW that game!
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 4:52 AM
Found 'em faster than GWB
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:57 AM
Gotta pay the Troll Toll
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:56 AM
John Rambo'd!
Unlocked 18 Apr 2014 at 4:51 AM
Gary vs. The K. Man
You are not alone
Unlocked 7 May 2014 at 11:55 AM
Thanks for the money!
Finished all seven days.
Unlocked 19 May 2014 at 9:29 AM
GABAGOOOOOL!
Reunited with an old friend.
Unlocked 21 Apr 2015 at 2:26 AM
Holocaust: Part Deux
Reunited with an old enemy.
Rain on your Wedding Day
Reunited with an old flame.
Watchu' Talkin' 'Bout Muhammad
Reunited with a former child star and an infamous terrorist leader.
Better than POSTAL III
Rescued your loyal companion.
My Name is Jesus
Completed Paradise Lost with no kills.
Harder than r/gonewild
Completed Paradise Lost on POSTAL difficulty.
Adderall4All
Completed Paradise Lost with a total play time of 1:45:00 or less. (Excludes cutscenes and loading times.)
Ape Gape
Dick Message
PooMasher
Hobo Sexual
Ginger Mint
Ode to Eddings
Ladies Love Cake
Rich on Reddit
Sold 30 cats at the Cash 4 Cats vendors.
BioShocked
Spent $2000 on vending machines.
Gettin DP'd
Made 30 kills while dual-wielding.
You Snow Nothing John Blow
Peed on all of the snowmen in the Nuclear Winter zone.
RAFIBOMB!!!
Kicked 10 people in the balls.
I'm not even supposed to be here today!